the lolvant garde

New Development: Virtual Klein

2009-05-22T15:38:00.000-07:00

Anthropometries for Quake 4 (After Yves Klein) from Chaz Evans on Vimeo.

Now, i'm going to have to pre-emptively beg forgiveness as I know this isn't a lolcaption as such and I know this may also be considered shameless self-blogging as well. But if there is any audience out the who has the slightest chance of appreciating this I figure its the type who enjoys contemporary art mingling with internet cat slang.

I've started experimenting with merging 20th century art figures with elements of commercial video games. Here I figure, why not paint the virtual quake body the way Klein takes to the naked ladies? Theres more explanation on the vimeo page. Hope you enjoy.

Dan Flavin - Untitled (in Honor of Harold Joachim) (1977)

2009-05-22T15:15:00.000-07:00

For the actual museum guards reading this, i know, this was probably too soon. Thanks for the suggestion Krissy.

Reader Submission Fun!

2009-05-22T14:27:00.000-07:00

Please enjoy this potpourri of captions courtesy of Shaun B and Nike D of funnelpages.com. Top to bottom: Still from Benuel and Dali's Un Chien Andalou (1929), Robert Rauschenberg's Erased De Kooning (1953) and more lolBarney (we will never get enough) with Cremaster 3 (2002).

Thanks to all those still reading and submitting. Apologies for my absence.

Meret Oppenheim - Object (Le Dejeuner en fourrure) (1936)

2009-02-02T18:45:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Missy for this suggestion that was far too excellent to pass up. Apologies for the gross negligence in respect to new content. Special thanks to those who still check this blog out from time to time.

Janine Antoni - Gnaw (1992)

2008-07-16T12:51:00.000-07:00

So Janine Antoni took a 600 pound block on chocolate and a 600 pound block of lard, gnawed off some corners and sides with her own teeth, then fashioned the chewed lard into lipstick and the the chewed chocolate into heart shaped chocolate boxes without any chocolate in them. The lard and chocolate left behind on the large blocks are still as delicious today as they were in 1992.

Accolades go to Lydia A. for this highly ambitious two-part caption. (1992)

Bonus leaking William Kentridge still!

2008-07-15T17:10:00.001-07:00

Cai Guo-Qiang - Inopportune: Stage One (2004-08)

2008-07-15T16:36:00.000-07:00

It took a Chinese artist to uncover how badassedly patriotic a car bomb can look. Way to go Cai. (2004-08)

Roy Lichtenstein - Atom Burst (1966)

2008-07-15T16:25:00.000-07:00

Once again, huge thanks to Oriane S. for this quality submission.

Tim Hawkinson - Balloon Self Portrait (1993)

2008-05-13T14:30:00.000-07:00

Tim Hawkinson is a mad genius. (1993)

Guillermo Vargas - Eres Lo Que Lees (You Are What You Read) (2007)

2008-05-09T14:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, listen now. I'm not posting this to contribute to the internet fracas surrounding whether or not this "starve a dog" piece actually happened, or its ethical implications etc. I just had to share how Graig R. found a perfectly tasteless way to work in that most classic of lolcaptions to a work of art that was probably a hoax in the first place. But seriously, did anyone take the time to translate the title before they made those facebook protest groups? (2007)

Bonus nude Vito Acconci!

2008-05-09T14:06:00.000-07:00

Praise goes to Mark S. for merging this classic caption with this classic image of Vito Acconci biting himself.

Duane Hanson - Queenie II (1988)

2008-04-18T10:25:00.000-07:00

Sculptor Duane Hanson is known for exacting replicas of individuals who appear to be of low-economic status. The rolling trash can is filled with the leftover bits of Madame Tussaud after the cleaning lady was through with her. (1988)

Roy Lichtenstein - Crying Girl (1964)

2008-04-18T10:09:00.000-07:00

Another zinger from Oriane S.

Richard Prince - Untitled (Cowboy) (1989)

2008-04-12T10:02:00.001-07:00

A hearty thanks goes to Oriane S for this quality submission.

Charles Ray - Unpainted Sculpture (1997)

2008-04-12T09:47:00.000-07:00

Special thanks to Cameron W. for this special submission.

Gordon Matta-Clark- Office Baroque (1977)

2008-04-12T09:31:00.000-07:00

Thats right, the Lolvant garde has returned from a lengthy hiatus. Please enjoy this new post along with some tantalizing reader contributions. You are the measure of how awesome that is.

Vito Acconci - Seedbed (1972)

2008-01-19T09:58:00.000-08:00

Acconci was a poet. Then he masturbated under a ramp in a gallery where people were encouraged to walk around said ramp. He also cooed sexual fantasies at people using a microphone. People agree this is a brilliant piece because it took conceptual art to it's logical conclusion: replacing figurative masturbation with the real thing. 1972.

Yves Klein - Untitled Anthropometry (ANT 100), (1960)

2008-01-16T09:02:00.000-08:00

"Neo-Dada" or "Postmodern" or whatever painter Yves Klein has this technique where he would use nude women as his "living brushes" on the canvas. Some folks have called this technique "anthropometry". I call it a party. 1960.

Joseph Beuys - How to Explain Pictures to a Dead Hare (1965)

2008-01-10T14:38:00.000-08:00

So this clever fellow cradled a dead rabbit in his arms, covered his head in honey and goldleaf, attached an iron slab to his boot and then whispered gently into the rabbit's ear. No wonder they called him Joseph "Sir Smoothesalot" Beuys.

Judy Chicago - The Dinner Party (1979)

2008-01-08T16:47:00.000-08:00

Judy Chicago worked on this piece for five years just so she could say she was the first artist to serve up vagina on a plate. 1979.

Takashi Murakami - My Lonesome Cowboy (1998)

2007-12-28T10:21:00.000-08:00

Folks refer to this fellow as the Japanese Warhol, but did Warhol ever depict a badass anime guy with spikey hair whipping the semen coming from his member into skillful lasso with a triumphant expression on his face? I think not. 1998.

Antony Gormley - American Field (1991)

2007-12-19T09:01:00.000-08:00

Sculptor Antony Gormley fills huge spaces with tens of thousands of tiny terracotta people on the floor. At first you feel ovewhelmed and touched by the sublime and humble representation of a whole nation's population. As soon as that fades you get the irresistible urge TO SMASH! 1991.

Gilbert and George - Piss Mooning (1996)

2007-12-18T15:14:00.000-08:00

These guys are known for filming themselves as "living statues" and for their photo montages. Everyone figured they were just a couple well dressed gents until they found the joys of nudity. 1996

Kiki Smith - Untitled (2002)

2007-12-14T12:28:00.000-08:00

Kiki Smith is a star. And don't you forget it. 2002.

Ron Mueck - Man in Boat (2002)

2007-12-13T13:32:00.000-08:00

A bonus lolMueck to make up for yesterday's absense. Enjoy. 2002.

Ron Mueck - Mask (1997)

2007-12-13T11:13:00.000-08:00

When I saw this piece in person I'm pretty sure it took my soul without asking.

Jerk.

1997.

Tracey Emin - My Bed (1999)

2007-12-11T13:29:00.000-08:00

This "YBA" Tracey Emin put her bed in a gallery. Not to sleep in. Just, you know, to look at. Thats it. 1999.

Chris Burden - Trans-fixed (1974)

2007-12-11T13:02:00.000-08:00

Chris Burden was supposed to deliver a lecture at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Chicago today but it was canceled. Boo. Many have speculated the cancellation to be a new performance entitled "Not Showing Up (2007)", but in fact it was because of inclement Chicago weather.

Caption credit and thanks go to Jenna D.

Wayne Thiebold - Around the Cake (1962)

2007-12-06T10:16:00.000-08:00

Wayne Thiebold liked to paint sensible little cakes, gumball machines and lipsticks and things. They were all very nice and very sensible and everybody always liked them. They thought he was a very nice painter guy. 1962.

Orlan - Le Baiser De L'artiste (The Kiss of the Artist) (1976)

2007-12-05T10:14:00.000-08:00

"Body Artist" Orlan (one name) made a slot machine that looked like her (nude) body and placed herself behind it. Folks could but 5 francs into the slot at the top and it would drop into a little pile of coins where her crotch would be. As a reward she gave the viewer a nice smooch. Later she would give up public smooching and instead turn to public presentation of her own surgeries. 1976.

Renee Cox - Yo Mama's Last Supper (1996)

2007-12-05T10:02:00.001-08:00

There are so many famous re-creations of the Last Supper out there that it's probably time to start making re-creations of famous re-creations of the Last Supper

Thanks to James H. for the submission.

Jeff Koons - Michael Jackson and Bubbles (1988)

2007-12-04T16:24:00.000-08:00

This Koons fellow thinks he's pretty clever. Sometimes he is, sometimes he's just taking pictures of himself having sex with his ex-wife.

More fun with lolBarney

2007-12-04T16:11:00.000-08:00

Lets face it. Matthew Barney almost captions himself. Enjoy.

Top is a still from Drawing Restraint 9, thanks go to Kate McC. for the submission. Bottom credit goes to Jenna D.

Jeff Koons - Hulk and Friends

2007-12-04T12:20:00.000-08:00

Thanks again to Jenna D. for another quality submission.

Jeff Wall - Milk (1984), Stereo (1982)

2007-11-30T08:49:00.000-08:00

Jeff Wall is known for large scale, back lit photographs. Most people think they're pretty cool, until they see them too many times. Milk: 1984. Stereo: 1982.

Credit once again goes to Jenna D. for the Stereo contribution.

More lolBarney - Drawing Restraint 9 (2006)

2007-11-29T13:39:00.000-08:00

This may come as a huge shock...but Matthew Barney totally hooks it up with Bjork all the time. 2006.

Special thanks to Adrian V. for the submission.

Matthew Barney - The Cremaster Cycle (1995-1999)

2007-11-29T11:11:00.000-08:00

So this guy Matthew Barney made a series of films based around this muscle that can raise and lower the scrotum and regulate the temperature of the testis. Kids love it. 1995-1999.

Bonus fun: vote on your favorite lolBarney in the comments thread OR submit your own lolBarneys.

Christo and Jeanne-Claude - Wrapped Trees (1997-98)

2007-11-28T10:59:00.000-08:00

It turns out this Christo guy really enjoys wrapping large objects. Simple as that. 1997-98.

Another thank you goes to contributer Jenna D. for the submission.

Maurizio Cattelan - La Nona Ora (The Ninth Hour) (1999)

2007-11-28T10:50:00.000-08:00

Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan creates an enormous full room installation just to show the pope being crushed to death by a meteorite. Italians were kind of pissed. Many others sort of chuckled. 1999.

Chris Ofili - The Holy Virgin Mary (1996)

2007-11-27T11:46:00.000-08:00

Painter Chris Ofili creates an image of the Mother of Christ complete with cut out pictures of little butts, little female genitals and most famously: petrified elephant dung. Rudy Giuliani tried to take it down once. 1996.

John Baldessari - Stonehenge (With Two Persons) Orange (2005)

2007-11-23T09:33:00.000-08:00

Conceptual artist John Baldessari makes another work showing how he likes to appropriate images and block out people's faces with big dots. Part of a series, available in different colors. 2005.

Pipilotti Rist - I'm Not the Girl Who Misses Much (1986)

2007-11-21T12:59:00.000-08:00

Video artist Pipilotti Rist sings her own version of John Lennon's Happiness is a Warm Gun, bare breasted and in blurry fast motion. 1986.

Enjoy this pre-thanksgiving bonus lolvant garde, thanks to a submission from contributor Jenna D.

Paul McCarthy - The Garden (1991-1992)

2007-11-21T09:52:00.000-08:00

Heavily influenced by "Viennese actionism", Paul McCarthy erects an enormous forest installation and intimately plants two animatronic men making love to the foliage within. Fun fact: the false trees in the installation were used on the set of popular television program Bonanza. 1991-1992.

Andy Warhol - Green Car Crash, Orange Car Crash (from the Death and Disaster series, 1963)

2007-11-20T11:04:00.000-08:00

Ubiquitous pop artist Andy Warhol silk screens the repeated images of horrifying vehicular accidents on canvas, likening the temporary fame of tragedy to that of the celebrities he painted in the same manner. 1963.

Sam Taylor Wood - Brontosaurus (1995)

2007-11-19T12:38:00.000-08:00

Video and photo artist Sam Taylor-Wood films a naked man dancing jubilantly to techno music and then presents the footage in slow motion, accompanied by Samuel Barber's classic "Adagio for Strings". Also of note: the small plush brontosaurus happily residing in the corner. 1995.

Marcel Duchamp - Fountain (1917)

2007-11-16T13:39:00.000-08:00

Marcel Duchamp single handedly starts the idea of "found object" art by taking an old urinal, putting it in a gallery and calling it a fountain. 1917.

Thanks to contributor Joe G. for the submission.

Andres Serrano - Piss Christ (1989)

2007-11-15T11:26:00.000-08:00

Photographer Andres Serrano takes a snapshot of a crucifix (complete with body of Jesus Christ) submerged in his own urine, causing much hubbub and rabble. 1989.

Daniel Edwards - Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston (2006)

2007-11-14T10:39:00.000-08:00

Known for sculpting pop and political icons in compromising positions, Daniel Edwards delights the world by molding a nude Britney Spears giving birth atop a bear skin rug on all fours. 2006.

Marina Abramovic - Art Must be Beautiful Artist Must be Beautiful (1975)

2007-11-13T13:41:00.000-08:00

The self proclaimed "grandmother of performance art" Marina Abramovic takes a metal brush and a metal comb and destroys her hair for awhile in front of a camera. 1975.

Damien Hirst - The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living (1991)

2007-11-10T14:44:00.000-08:00

"Young British Artist" Damien Hirst stumbles across a old dead shark that he had lying around, then decides to lay it in a big vatrine and pickle it in formaldehyde. 1991.

Jake and Dinos Chapman - Insult to Injury (2003)

2007-11-10T14:31:00.000-08:00

The Chapman brothers, Jake and Dinos, purchase a perfectly good series of Francisco Goya etchings, from his Disasters of War series, and proceed to cover them with clowny faces.

Chris Burden - Shoot (1971)

2007-11-10T14:22:00.000-08:00

Performance artist Chris Burden gets an assistant to help shoot him in the left arm with a rifle. F Space, Santa Ana, California, 1971.